i dare no longer stay

so what if i’m queer
so what if i love masturbation
above all other pleasures
when i can make it last for hours
all by myself and so what
if it’s nostalgia for being a kid
and whoa now here comes
the spanko theme again…
because it was just *natural*
that sooner or later…
but certainly within a few days…
i’d be upended barebottomed
and spanked and spanked
into complete humiliation
screaming and wet with tears.

in what vile part of this anatomy
doth my name lodge?

sez romeo. i love this video.
milo o’shea stars as the friar
in zefferelli’s immortal…
okay, i admit it’s really about
the astonishingly beautiful
olivia hussy or maybe about
rebecca anne who already
in junior high had become
a sexually active (and well-
developed) young woman
while i was alas a very very
horny boy… and this movie
was current though i never
saw it back then… and she
wasn’t the only one i drove
myself nuts about while i
lay around naked playing with
my dick in particular and
my whole skin generally.
let’s not get into the asshole stuff
or the _playboy_ magazines.

maybe i’ll ask goddess for a can’t-help-screaming beating tonight.
i know just how to do it, too… i’ll tease her for half an hour or so
with my face and hands right up near orgasm but always pulling back
just before the last second… and say not a word…

and when she’s literally begging for it, i’ll remind her
of my need for punishment and of the sexual hotness
we’ve experienced together when she’s loved me for
wanting to take such a horrible beating…

anything… *anything*!… if it proves my desire.
and if it *prolongs* my desire.

because if, god forbid, i cum. pure pain
and no horniness at all.

but i lie of course. because right away
it begins again. it’s that old will-to-live
versus hopelessness-and-despair thing.

i’m gonna go look at some porno
up here on the internet and stuff
while i… well… *you* know what.
and i’m not lonely at all.

still feeling the booze of last night.
and of course there’s some goddess-related
guilt-trip around me being in the
“juan spadlin” frame of mind at all
and alas she (who must be manipulated)
has a stated dislike for the whole
righteous-chastisement “FLR” part
of spanko kinkdom: “i’m not your mother”.

love love love. gotta pee.

ever drank it from the tap?
i have, but only a few times.
my first lover. goddess.
i forget who else.

Filed under: Uncategorized